It was actually the best workshop out of the bunch because (and it pains me to say this) I've grown a lot as a writer since January. I was able to anticipate a lot of what they were going to say and just that awareness really helped as I was writing my draft way too close to the due date. The spacing on the piece was a little generous, but even though it was short, it didn't get flack for that. I have the entire workshop recorded, actually, although it's in that really weird cell phone format so I'm not quite sure how I'm going to transfer it and play it, but at least I have something. All of the good comments were different from the usual good comments and I was both surprised and impressed. I guess I didn't realize how good this piece was (and that's not usually a problem I have, underappreciation of my own work). I really enjoyed the workshop because people were interpreting the story a variety of different ways and they seemed to really be interested. I don't know. I really like the way this is going just now, and although I don't speak at all on the recording (of course) I remember thinking a lot of things that I can recall as I remember them now. The recording is horrible, but I'm really enjoying listening to my class talk about my work, using my characters names, etc.
So I have an option, basically. I have three main stories: the one with Marilyn and Rodger the night of the counterfeit storm (the most recent one), the one with Carl and Rodger in the bedroom, and the one with Carl and Ollie on the steps of a cathedral in France. The problem is that they are intertwined and yet separate in ways I don't fully understand. I've been thinking a lot about what Danielewski said yesterday and I don't know if I've come to any conclusions. I don't know how these stories want to be represented, and I know that I have exactly one week to figure it out. I just know that there is something, there is some harmony, and I don't have the time to find it but at the same time the pressure will allow me to do a lot of work very late at night that I'm not entirely used to doing. I have this sneaking feeling that these stories want to be combined and I don't know quite how I am going to accomplish that. In one sense, I think that it has the potential to be very successful. I don't know how I would combine it in terms of time period, etc. but I could definitely do it. And that would certainly be something to show everyone--my parents, my panel, everyone. But I have to serve the story--stories--before I do everything else and I don't quite know. I don't know. I don't quite understand what my characters are trying to tell me to do, and that's because I haven't tried to do anything yet. I'm just scared to take a step in any direction because I don't have the time to fail. And I don't want to dig myself deeper into a hole that I won't be able to dig myself out of on the 15th of May. I don't know. And I know that the second I send this all out, I'm going to have to figure out a way to be satisfied with that. I think that's probably the hardest part.
But more than anything else, I'm just so glad to be almost done. I'm glad to have a date--as crappy a date as it is--and I have something to work towards, more than just the abstract idea of logging hours (which, as it happens, I actually haven't been doing). Stress is good. I keep saying it, praying that it's true. Stress is good, stress is good, stress is good.
I have to take a shower and then I have to come back and then I just have to force myself to take some step and write. Which is the worst part of my job, at this point. The late nights. I think I'm going to go to assembly tomorrow, for a change, seeing as it's the flea circus. That said... That said, nothing.
