Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I missed Myla's class because of the Cum Laude ceremony. Funnily enough, Mr. Daly said something beyond flattering about me actually becoming a writer.

Not today, though, unfortunately. I've sort of been taking it easy because quite honestly I'm tired. I've been doing my workshop work and everything, and my schoolwork too, but these past few weeks I've found myself workshopping people's stories on Wednesday morning, rather than the Saturday or Sunday before. I also haven't been writing as much because, quite frankly, I'm stuck.

I have sort of a strange dilemma. I love Interior Space but it's going to need a lot of work before it's finished. And I don't know if I have the energy or willpower for that kind of work right now. Basically it needs to be separated. I've been working on all these shifting point of view stories but wouldn't they just work better separately? To be honest I was never quite sure of the Gothic cathedral - Carl - Ollie thing because it came to me too easily; I appreciated it, make no mistake, but I think it's important enough to deserve its own story and it's too heavy to have such a brief mention. I could split the two and rewrite both of them, but every time I sit down to do it I get up more disappointed than I was when I sat down. I knew I wasn't actually done when I said I was done, but I was done for the moment, and that moment hasn't yet passed. Although now that I'm actually thinking about it it doesn't seem as frustrating as it did just a few days ago. Maybe the moment's passing just because I'm considering.

And as for the second story, as Shelly said, it's quite good, but it isn't finished. I think a lot of my writing has to do with the weather--I'm freezing to death in my room right now, and I don't feel like doing anything. That's an excuse. I have to actually write past the central event of the story and although I have very clearly planned out what I want to happen, I've been avoiding doing it. The problem is that what Shelly told me to do (and what I was leaning towards anyway) is incompatible with the Focus project. It has to be somewhat sexually explicit and I'm not sure I'm allowed to do that; there's no way around it, and even if I cut the scene down as much as I can, it's still the central action of the story. Believe me, I didn't mean it to come out like that. There were supposed to be undertones--a story with no sex in it is interesting only to children--but it wasn't supposed to be as... well, I don't know. It's not pornographic, far from it, but I wouldn't want my parents to read it, put it that way.

I have to finish preparing my presentation for tomorrow and that actually gave me a little guidance. I have a lot more material than I think I do, but I still only have two short stories and we're halfway through April. Although it wouldn't be unreasonable for me to turn out another one, is three 20 page stories enough? I don't feel like it is. I should start putting my work in 12 point font instead of 11.

I have to turn into workshop for Myla next week and I'm nervous. I don't have anything right now, but that doesn't worry me--I know that I always manage to come up with something, if only because I'm best under pressure. I'm worried because I don't know how this fits into Focus and I need this presentation to be good. I mean, doesn't everyone?

I'm also screwed for the bibliography we're supposed to turn in tomorrow. I never knew anything about that. I wasn't aware that I was supposed to be reading anything in particular--I've been reading what my teachers have been giving me, and of course I read a few books on my own, but nothing that deserves a place in any kind of academic bibliography. I have tried not to read anything academic because I know I get sucked into it; first semester was enough! I am a little irritated that I'm expected to have a bibliography with no constraints on it--I know I just have to prove that I can read, and I think that seems pretty obvious. But that's an administrative complaint and, as usual, there's nothing I can do about it.

I also didn't realize we had to have a powerpoint for tomorrow, but now I know and I'm actually in pretty good shape for that. I'm just going to scan several of my drafts and just show how the workshop process works. I'm pretty good at oral presentations--I mean, I can always get better, but I don't really have trouble speaking in front of people--but I haven't timed mine yet, so I should stop writing this journal and get to it.

This is an open question--do I need to have more journal entries a week than one? I wouldn't like to fail this part of the project if there's anything I can do to fix it.